Friends back home sometimes ask us what cultural differences we've noticed here. Friends, taxi drivers, and really anyone who wants to talk here often ask if we're acostumbrados. I used to answer confidently that I was feeling comfortable here, "people are so nice, it's easy to get around, the food is great...it's not really that hard of a cultural transition". You know, western hemisphere still and all.
That was easy to say when we'd been here two or three or even four months. Or for someone who visits a country for an extended period of time. But as time goes on, even as my Spanish improves, I find more and more things that are just different. Not even things that are better or worse (although those exist too), but just that are different and constantly reminding me that this is not my country and I am an outsider.
Like the fact that meals or snacks or even drinks brought to a meeting are shared after the meeting is over, not before or even during. So don't spend a bunch of money on a chicken and french fry dinner, because it will sit there and get cold and soggy (cold fries...so sad) until the end of the meeting at 10pm when it's time it eat it. Or the way that movie tickets aren't sold to the exact number of seats there are, so you need to line up early or you might not get in, or that coffee at a church retreat is not considered necessary, or that at a restaurant, you generally order drinks after the food, if at all. Or that dogs wear sweaters when it gets down to 60 degrees. Or that plain water is not exceptable to serve to guests. I could go on and on. There are SO many differences. And the more I get to know the culture, the more I find. We can laugh about some of them with friends here now. Especially the ones that we adapted to quickly once we understood. But the thing is, there's always something new and you can only comment on "how things are there (the vague word to describe the US)" so many times before you start to annoy people. So most of the time, people don't even realize that we're constantly adapting, because they don't realize that everything is different either.
I imagine that anyone who has ever been really immersed in a culture would understand this...stress. I don't mean anyone who has lived in another country, because being physically in a country does not mean you are immersed in the culture. Let me explain our situation. We live in a district of over 600,000 people. I have never met, seen, or even heard of another English-speaking foreigner that lives here. I have met a Mexican and a Colombian and have seen a few Chinese (although, maybe part Peruvian). I've heard rumors of Italians and some other european guy. We have been here for nine months.
Today on the bus this old man yelled to me as the person next to him got off, "Sit down, gringa" and chuckled as he said gringa, like it was so funny to him that I was there. Far from the first time people have been amused at my very presence. Then, as I sat next to him he looked at me and smiled like I was this novelty that was really entertaining to him. I faked a smile back. I wasn't in the mood. As he got off he waved and yelled back, "Chau, gringa!". At that point, my annoyance at not being able to ride the bus in peace without being reminded for the 30th time of the day that I was different from everyone else here vanished and I couldn't help but laugh. Two other ladies on the bus started laughing too, and we smiled at each other and commented on "...old people". Ha!
There isn't much of a point to this post besides maybe "be nice to foreigners because life is not always so easy for them". Don't treat them like they're dumb. It's hurtful. And they're not. Or maybe this was purely catartic, although I don't feel any better. At the very least, I'm admitting that at times I am homesick and this happens to be one of those times. The charm of this new culture has long ago worn off and I'm really looking forward to going home for a visit in two months. Until then, if you pray, pray that I find joy in the differences and the peace that surpasses all understanding.
That was easy to say when we'd been here two or three or even four months. Or for someone who visits a country for an extended period of time. But as time goes on, even as my Spanish improves, I find more and more things that are just different. Not even things that are better or worse (although those exist too), but just that are different and constantly reminding me that this is not my country and I am an outsider.
Like the fact that meals or snacks or even drinks brought to a meeting are shared after the meeting is over, not before or even during. So don't spend a bunch of money on a chicken and french fry dinner, because it will sit there and get cold and soggy (cold fries...so sad) until the end of the meeting at 10pm when it's time it eat it. Or the way that movie tickets aren't sold to the exact number of seats there are, so you need to line up early or you might not get in, or that coffee at a church retreat is not considered necessary, or that at a restaurant, you generally order drinks after the food, if at all. Or that dogs wear sweaters when it gets down to 60 degrees. Or that plain water is not exceptable to serve to guests. I could go on and on. There are SO many differences. And the more I get to know the culture, the more I find. We can laugh about some of them with friends here now. Especially the ones that we adapted to quickly once we understood. But the thing is, there's always something new and you can only comment on "how things are there (the vague word to describe the US)" so many times before you start to annoy people. So most of the time, people don't even realize that we're constantly adapting, because they don't realize that everything is different either.
I imagine that anyone who has ever been really immersed in a culture would understand this...stress. I don't mean anyone who has lived in another country, because being physically in a country does not mean you are immersed in the culture. Let me explain our situation. We live in a district of over 600,000 people. I have never met, seen, or even heard of another English-speaking foreigner that lives here. I have met a Mexican and a Colombian and have seen a few Chinese (although, maybe part Peruvian). I've heard rumors of Italians and some other european guy. We have been here for nine months.
Today on the bus this old man yelled to me as the person next to him got off, "Sit down, gringa" and chuckled as he said gringa, like it was so funny to him that I was there. Far from the first time people have been amused at my very presence. Then, as I sat next to him he looked at me and smiled like I was this novelty that was really entertaining to him. I faked a smile back. I wasn't in the mood. As he got off he waved and yelled back, "Chau, gringa!". At that point, my annoyance at not being able to ride the bus in peace without being reminded for the 30th time of the day that I was different from everyone else here vanished and I couldn't help but laugh. Two other ladies on the bus started laughing too, and we smiled at each other and commented on "...old people". Ha!
There isn't much of a point to this post besides maybe "be nice to foreigners because life is not always so easy for them". Don't treat them like they're dumb. It's hurtful. And they're not. Or maybe this was purely catartic, although I don't feel any better. At the very least, I'm admitting that at times I am homesick and this happens to be one of those times. The charm of this new culture has long ago worn off and I'm really looking forward to going home for a visit in two months. Until then, if you pray, pray that I find joy in the differences and the peace that surpasses all understanding.
Great post, and a good reminder to think about how I treat the "strangers" living around me. It must be hard not to get a break from that feeling of being different.
ReplyDeleteYou're not alone in looking forward to your visit back home! ;-)
Thanks, Tim! Can't wait to see you in less than two months!
ReplyDelete